Subtle Reminder of Minuteness

Last night a phenomenon occurred that happens once every couple years, a lunar eclipse. I have to be honest and say that to my knowledge I have never witnessed one in it's full glory, last night was perfect though. I had little on my plate and no real need to rip myself from my bed this morning, so being the "sleep on the ground" kind of girl I am I took up shop laying in the backyard amongst cleverly hidden doggy poo, so thoughtfully shrouded by the darkness and two pups who for the life of them did not understand why on earth I was hunkered down in their yard. It was peaceful and magnificent. I never would have guessed that the moon, our nighttime guardian, can feel overshadowed and alone and cold just like all of us. I'll walk a little lighter today, hold my head a little higher in remembering that even greatness takes a back seat occasionally to remind us we're small, but loved. I'm thankful for that reminder, I need those unfortunately.

So Confused and Frustrated

I don't even have the energy to care about figuring it out anymore. I don't, I can't. It all seems so desperate and draining. If I were to sit and be honest with myself, what would I say have been my happiest moments? The moments when I felt like I didn't have to over think anything, and I just reveled in the joy of being? Let's focus on that for a minute...

Feeling as if I was one of two people remaining at McNellie's
Seeing my high school friends having the time of their lives
Standing by one of my best friends, marrying one of hers
Climbing a 14er with Chase
Laying on "the dock" with John and Barley
Holding my little brother Braden's tiny hand moments after he was born
Graduating from High School, surrounded by all of the family members who were selfless enough to be there

My moments of joy all have to do with having other people in my life, people I love. There are many more moments like these, and I'm thankful for them all, I just wish the moments of solitude and pain weren't so jumbled in with them. Oh how I was that were so...